Breaking News: Reporter Discovers Drugs At A Music Festival

 

In a revelation sure to rock the industry to its core, an Australian reporter went to a music festival and was offered drugs.

What follows is The Sunday Telegraph’s seedy journey into the underbelly of the illicit world of festival drugs, complete with lingo sure to have grandma clutching her pearls.

“We hadn’t even made it to the front gates when the call of “caps caps” was whispered into my ear.”

“Another man inside the venue said he had MDMA in a crystallised form he had smuggled in a plastic bag, which he offered to share for a price.”

But lest you think our intrepid reporter was seduced by the dark side, the paper states in bold letters that The Sunday Telegraph did not purchase any drugs. It doesn’t mention if it took any drugs which we can naturally assume means they took loads of drugs.

It’s almost like Australia’s dog sniffing crackdown and political rhetoric seems to be having zero effect on attendees enjoying whatever they want.

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Born during a backstage Bonnaroo downpour, Vito's mission in life is to dance, write, and travel to all the great festivals that this wide world has to offer.